Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A bitchslap is in order.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
