Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize