that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
