i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize