His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
