i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize