Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
