I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
