I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
