I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
