if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
