Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
