its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
