I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize