You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
