I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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