i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
