I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
