I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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