i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
