iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
