Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
