we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
