I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
