So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this will be a night to untag.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
