What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
