I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize