that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
