So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
