Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So much Jack, so little girl.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
