Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
