I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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