Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
