They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
