Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
