I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
