Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
