No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
