so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
