just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
