First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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