what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His nipple licking is glorious
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