my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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