Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just cut my nipple shaving
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
