Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
