I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Randomize
