glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
