We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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