i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
