I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you traded sex for a burrito?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
