Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
