the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
