Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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