I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
