I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
