The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize