Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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