Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dignity is for republicans.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
