Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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