It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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