I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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