yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
me + whiskey = a bad person
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
