What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
