Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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