your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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