obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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