I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
