I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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